Forever...

He is my love, my life, and my everything! I would give up everything just to be with him (I'm even willing to walk 2 miles in the rain just to see him). I love him with all my heart and so much more. He makes me smile when I'd rather cry. He holds me tight when I'm scared. He's always in my dreams and he is what makes the SWEET!!!!! I love my baby more than anything in this world. Nothing will ever take him away from me!! EVER!!!!!

A heart ripped out still beats but only slightly. A heart shattered on a concrete floor can be mended but it will take time. Things happen for a reason even if we don't know fully what that reason may be. We are God's children and He's there helping us find our way...

Broken-hearted

What do you do when the person you love more than anything in the world doesn't want to settle down with you? I love Robert more than anything, but when I asked him what we were going to do when school is over he shrugged his shoulders and looked away. I asked him, what about moving in together, he said it's not what he wanted right now. That he didn't want to give up his "guy time" to settle down with me or anyone else. It broke my heart to hear him say it. I wish I had never asked. It did more harm than good and now I'm fighting the urge to just sit in a corner and cry till I can't cry no more. I hate knowing!! It's not fair! I love him more than he could ever know, but now I don't know if he feels the same about me. Nothing could make me love him any less but every day I love him o so much more. My mind is spinning with thoughts of losing him. They're so horrible!!! I want them to STOP but I don't know how! Maybe he'll change his mind by next May... hopefully.

Moving a Life...

My room is packed
In boxes stacked so high
My clothes, my bed, and even my teddy bear
I look up at the boxes
High as a mountain top
My closet is empty
The floor is bare
and the walls have shadows
Of what once hung there
The truck is out front
Loaded down with my life
Everything I own,
piled high in boxes, big and small
Are carried from my room,
my sanctuary
Taken outside in the summer sun
Aired out by the blistering wind
My life, torn down
broken apart and shoved into boxes
Leaving behind everything I know
All the things I love
A chance to begin anew
A chance to change
But a change I don't want to make
just one I have to do.

Words are like swords. They pierce the heart with every blow and cause a pain so great it's unlike any other kind of pain. They rip apart your dreams and stomp you into the ground where you lay broken wishing you could change the outcome. Why tear others down with hateful words, when they're just going to come back in the end. Those words that flew from your lips without care will one day be your own down fall. They'll pull you down further than you've ever been before. Unfinished...

A Night to Remember...

Prom night was a night full of firsts...except I didn't get to ride in a limo, but that's ok. I did however get to go in a Chevy and that's fine with me!! Robert looked sexy as everything in his tux with his camo vest and bow tie. His eyes sparkled when I walked into the room wearing my long black dress and thoes god aweful heels my mom forced me to wear. But as soon as we started dancing ... off came the shoes and off came his jacket. We danced our butts off till I got to hot to dance anymore. Prom was a beautiful place... it didn't even look like our school anymore. I had tons of fun just being with Robert and all my friends.

PROM NIGHT!! <3

Prom night is coming really soon (less than a week!) I'm so excited about it. It'll be the first prom I've been to, it'll be my first time riding in a limo, and it'll be my first actual dance where I've had a date who loves me. I so cannot wait till prom night. My heart beats in anticipation everytime I think about it. Also, it will be a night I will remember for the rest of my life because it is 3 days after mine and Robert's 7 month mark. We've been together longer than I truly thought we would. I love him so much and I get to enjoy prom night wraped in his arms and dancing along with him (I just have to learn how first.)

I'M GOING TO HAVE THE TIME OF MY LIFE!!!

What is love?

Love...

It's the fuzzy feeling you get when you're around some one you trust your heart with.

It's being able to tell them your whole life and not caring what they think when you're through because you know they'll be there for you in the end.

It's falling asleep beside them and holding them closer in your dreams as you snuggle up to them.

It's knowing that no matter what happens you always have some one to hold on to you and comfort you.

My love...

My love is Robert. He's always there for me even when we fight. He holds me close at night and never lets anyone hurt me. He knows everything about my past and I know everything about his. He is the one I see myself with years from now, growing old and being with for the rest of my life. He is a really amazing guy and he knows how to treat me just right. He has his moments but who doesn't, right? I love him with all my heart and so much more. He's perfect in every way to me and I would never do anything to change him. He is my love and my life.

Roses Are Red

Ooy Gooy Chewy

My beautiful Chewy... she's scared us once already, but she puts a smile on everybody's face. She got into a plant that was poisionous to dogs and she got sick. She had to stay at the vet's office for a few nights and everything felt wrong. My other dogs were moppy and none of them wanted to play, instead they stuck their noses to the floor and looked for Chewy. My mom went and picked her up on February 28 after the vet said that she was eating and running around in the kennel looking for someone to play with.
She's a little ball of fun and she never misses a beat when it comes to playing around. I don't know what I would have done if anything had happened to her. She's the greatest puppy I could ever have asked for and I love her very, very much.

Beautiful

Beautiful is
the wide open sky
the green pastures stretching on forever.
It's a new-born baby,
but it's not me.
Only in your eyes
have I ever been considered beautiful.
I've been many things
but that's the one thing I've never been.
Beautiful is
a field of daisies blooming in the summer sun.
It's the sun sinking down behind puffy white clouds
but beautiful's just not me.

Save Me

Painful words fly through my mind
Like butterflies with broken wings
The dreadful things that were done to me
Make me want to kick and scream
I'm standing on the edge again
Watching the world pass by
One more step will end it all
Today will be the day i die
Don't bother standing down below
Don't catch me as I fall
It's time my heart stops beating
Once and for all
My mother's pleas go unheard
As the pounding of my heart
Echos in my ears
I close my eyes
I pray to God for you to pull me back
Pull me from the edge
Don't let me take that step

The Little Things

I just can't tell you enough
that you're my one and only man.
You're the one who stole my heart,
but believe me when I say,
"It's yours to keep."
You're the prince charming
who comes to rescue me;
the one other girls can only dream of.
True love's first kiss broke the spell,
the one that I've been under.
I just can't express in words
the way you make me feel.
I don't know how to tell you
that you take my breath away
and cause my heart to stop.
The look in your eyes,
baby, you make me want to melt.
Warm me up when the night get cold.
Hold me close when I get scared.
I'm forever yours; mind, body, and soul.
I whisper your name
in the dead of night.
It's like a gentle lullaby
just the way I like.
I listen to you sing all those country songs
and I realize...
You're my redneck king
and I'm your little country queen.

The Greatest Gift of All

My love. My true love.
An angel. God's gift to me.
A distant dream that takes me from reality.
A hold on faith and hope keeps me strong
Brings strength from deep inside.
My true love, you are God's greatest gift
An answer to many prayers.
God sent you to me,
To love me unconditionally.
You are one of Heaven's angels
with spread wings and a glowing halo.
My heart would fly away with you
But only if I let it.
My heart is still forever yours.
With each pounding beat
Love courses through my veins
And that love is for you alone,
My love. My true love.
An angel. God's gift to me.

Make Me Bleed

The blood runs deep in my veins
Scars blemish my body
My only release
My one true weakness
The blade against my skin
Blood flowing from open wounds
Unkept promises
Painful burdens lifted from my heavy heart
Too many times it’s been broken
Thoughts of suicide cloud my mind
A bullet to the head or a knife against my throat
Just a tug on the trigger
Or a flick of the wrist
It will be the end of it all
The pain
The hate
Everything
No more holding it all in
No more promises to break
There’s nothing left worth living for
People laugh
People cry
But I’m the one who makes the sacrifice
No more jokes and no more lies
I can’t take anymore of this
Memories are all I’ve got left
Of the good time and the bad
The dark days remind me
Of a life I wish to burry in the past
A life no longer worth living
And a life I’m willing to forget
Make me bleed
Make me cry
Make the nightmares disappear
I’m tired of hiding who I am
It’s time I let the world see…
…Me for me
All you have to do
Is make me bleed

Butterfly Story

Standing there looking out over the angry sea, Ginger held her closest friend and most beloved doll, Pumpkin, close to her heart. The wind played in her long, black hair, dancing in the pink and blue streaks. She brushed the loose hair back from her big, blue eyes with her skinny fingers, just as a bright yellow butterfly landed on top of Pumpkin’s ragged head. With a slight gasp, Ginger began to sing to the butterfly. She sang an old lullaby her mother once sang to her. Remembering the words and how gracefully they fell from her mother’s lips, tears began to fall across her cheeks. Her voice quivered as she spoke the last few words. She remembered that stormy night as her mom drove her to a skate recital.

“Mommy,” Ginger said in almost a whisper. “Will you sing me a song?”
“Sure, baby. What do you want to hear?”
“Sing me a lullaby.” Rain splashed over the windshield as her mother’s voice filled the air within the car. She had a voice like an angel and sang with amazing grace. She sang a beautiful lullaby any seven year old would love. It was a song about running through a field of wild flowers and chasing after butterflies. Ginger closed her eyes and listened to the words and absorbed their intensity as they drifted through the car.
Suddenly, her mom’s voice caught in her throat and horns began to honk all around, tires squealed, but Ginger couldn’t find the courage to open her eyes. The car jostled around as the sound of metal crushing under metal and the furious bang of the air bags caused her ears to ring and her heart the race. In a matter of seconds that felt like hours, everything was quiet once again.
Slowly, her curiosity got the better of her and she opened her eyes. First, she looked down the length of her legs and to her feet where shards of glass stuck in the carpet and in the sides of the seat. Then, she moved her eyes over the center console to where her mother had been sitting minutes ago, singing the most beautiful song she had ever heard, but now she sits there, slumped against the wheel motionless; breathless.
Warm tears rolled down her cheeks as she reached for her mother’s hand. Nothing moved and there wasn’t any sounds except Ginger’s own heart beat. Blood drizzled down her mother’s neck and pooled in the floorboard by her feet. Not knowing what else to do, Ginger reached for Pumpkin and brushed away a few chips of glass. Rain continued to pour from the clouds above. There was nothing for Ginger to do so she cried, lacing her fingers between her mother's and held Pumpkin close.“It’s okay Pumpkin. Momma’s only sleeping…”

“Ginger!” His voice echoed through the air and over the rocky ledge. “Ginger! Home. Now!”
Snapping back to the present, Ginger gripped Pumpkin tighter to her body and wiped away the tears dripping from her chin. The sun had begun to set and the sky was a beautiful shade of pink and orange. She could hear the calming sea as the tide started to rise and she could her the unsettling of rocks as her father reached the cliff’s edge where she sat.
“I thought I told you to come home.” He bellowed.
“I was just watching the sunset. I was going to be home soon.” She turned from her father and looked out over the mesmerizing sea and whispered, “Momma always loved sitting out here and watching the sun set.”
Her father’s hand was suddenly in her hair, pulling her to her feet. She wanted to scream out in pain, but there wasn’t anyone around. Her father threw her back against the rocks and started to walk away.
“Get home now. You have chores to do.” He said as he turned towards town.
Fresh tears began to blur Ginger’s vision as she watched him leave. There was no use fighting him. She crawled to Pumpkin’s side and lay there in pain. As she lay there, the sky grew dark and the air began to chill. With shivers covering her body, Ginger slowly stood, wincing in pain and followed the path back home.

The moon cast its gentle light over Ginger's bed as she crawled under th covers to rest. Her head swam with images of her mother and horrible thoughts of her father. She longed for her mother's touch and the sound of her graceful voice. Sleep overwhelmed her mind and her vision slowly began to blur as her eyes fluttered shut.Ginger drifted through darkness; floating aimlessly through space as a speck of light shone before her. She reached for the light; reaching and reaching, but never grasping it. Always, her fingertips fell just short of it. Her chest tightened and her stomach twisted into knots.
'What could it be? Where did it come from?' she thought as she gazed ahead.
'Do not fret, my little angel.' The voice came loud and strong, but floated gracefully through Ginger's mind. 'I am always here for you, dear one; you have nothing to fear.'
'Momma? Is that you, Momma?' Tears poured from Ginger's eyes. 'Momma, please answer me.'
'Hush, baby. I am here.' As she spoke the light grew bigger; coming closer and wrapping around Ginger. 'You are safe. Do not cry.'
'I'm sorry, Momma. I'm sorry.' ...