My Life...

I hate how my life goes. Nothing seems to go right for me. I don't get to be happy with the one man who means the world to me and i don't get to have the family i've always prayed for. I love Travis with all my heart. He's the one and only guy who has ever made me feel wanted or even needed. He was the first guy i have ever trusted more than any guy i have ever met. The day he brought me roses i felt like i was the poor little servent girl and he was my prince charming coming in to rescue me. I miss the way he made me feel. I miss the soft touch of his hands as he held mine. I miss the safe feeling i got when he held me close at night keeping me warm...there's no greater feeling in the world than that. His beautiful blue eyes gleamed like the ocean during sun set. His lips always gave me butterflies in my stomach whenever he kissed me or even said that he loved me. I'm going to miss everything about him. My heart is completly broken and i don't think there's any one in the world that can fix it now. I was so scared of losing him again but i messed everything up. I kept starting arguments with him and draging everything on. It was all my fault, every last bit of it. I took him for granted and let him slip away from me. I love him more than words could ever say and now i don't have the chance to prove to him how much i really and truly love him. We have a beautiful little boy together and he looks just like his daddy. I want more than anything for him to grow up knowing who is daddy is and always being in his life.

My Last Chance...

My last chance at love... My last chance to make things work... My last chance to have the perfect family... I lost it all. He was my one true love and yes I know how corny that sounds but he was and always will be. He stole my heart the day we met and I want him to keep it with him always. He is the sweetest man that has ever been in my life. I know we fought at times and had our problems, but no matter what happens down the road, nothing will ever change the way I feel about him. He's not just our son's dad to me, he's the only guy I will ever love more than anyone in this world. I don't know why my heart has to get broken so much but it does and there's nothing I can do to stop that. Travis Hughes Earnest will forever hold my heart and be my only one true love!

Gotta Cowgirl Up!!

It's time for me to cowgirl up and put my big girl boots on... I'm out in the real world now. I have a beautiful little boy and the greatest friend I could ever ask for. I work for a blind old pervert (but hey, a job's a job) I'm still looking for something better to help support my son and find us a better place to live, but after the tornados hit that's getting hard to do. My son is 4 months old and the light of my life. I hope he grows up to be a big strong man, that will love and cherish his life just the way it is and not get himself down when things do go the right way. It's hard to keep a smile on your face when things go from good to horrible in a matter of seconds but I'm learning to take things as they come and not get my hopes up way too quick any more. It hurts like hell when you get your hopes up about something and it all comes crashing down in the blink of an eye...

I love my life just the way it is...

Right now I'm single but I'm trying to find that right someone who will accept me for who I am and is willing to take on the responsibility of being there for my son and treating him as if he were their own. My x is a big part of my life because of my son, so whoever wants to be with me will have to accept that my x will be around. I honestly don't think that is too much to ask of a true man.

A New Family...

As of June 12, 2011, I became a new mom. My little boy was 7lbs 15oz. We decided to name him Travis Lee Earnest. He is the most precious little boy and we love him more than anything. He means the world to both of us. Wish us luck as we venture out on our own to raise this little bundle of joy!

A New Love...

He swept me off my feet five months ago and I love him more than I've ever loved any one or any thing. He truly means the world to me and I'm so happy I get to call him mine. We are happily engaged and already starting our little family. In June, we are having a beautiful baby boy. Hopefully, he'll grow up to be just like his dad but I'm hoping he doesn't choose to ride bulls in the rodeos. I love the country life but I think I'll worry way too much. I'll be happy if he does calf ropping or something else a little safer, but all of that is farther down the road. all I need to worry about right now is thinking up a name for my little bunddle of joy. I love my boys! They're my everything!

I love you, Travis Earnest!!

True love is something u hold on tight to and never let go. I have finally found my true love and i'm in for the long haul! <3

Broken heart...

Ending things with someone you love is hard, but sometimes it's something that must be done. I know I loved him with all my heart, but sometimes things just never felt right. His friends were always around and I never got to see him. Yes my heart is broken and I feel horrible but I just needed some time. We rushed into our relationship and into the engagement. I would have loved to spend the rest of my life with him, but I didn't feel right about it. It felt like something was missing...mostly communication. I felt unimportant to him most of the time; like his friends were the biggest thing in his life and I was nothing. He may be mad at me now, but soon he'll see that I was right and that we weren't. He said that if I joined the military, that he would move with me where ever I was stationed and that we would get married right away...I'm 18. I have a whole life ahead of me and I'm really not ready to get married right away. I need to be able to live my life the way I want to; to be my own person for a change. I've been living my mom's life and not my own for so long. I'm finally moving out of her house and getting my life to where I want to be for once. But now...I don't know anymore...

Can a heart be mended? Can the mind be changed? Does everything really happen for a reason?

Forever...

He is my love, my life, and my everything! I would give up everything just to be with him (I'm even willing to walk 2 miles in the rain just to see him). I love him with all my heart and so much more. He makes me smile when I'd rather cry. He holds me tight when I'm scared. He's always in my dreams and he is what makes the SWEET!!!!! I love my baby more than anything in this world. Nothing will ever take him away from me!! EVER!!!!!

A heart ripped out still beats but only slightly. A heart shattered on a concrete floor can be mended but it will take time. Things happen for a reason even if we don't know fully what that reason may be. We are God's children and He's there helping us find our way...

Broken-hearted

What do you do when the person you love more than anything in the world doesn't want to settle down with you? I love Robert more than anything, but when I asked him what we were going to do when school is over he shrugged his shoulders and looked away. I asked him, what about moving in together, he said it's not what he wanted right now. That he didn't want to give up his "guy time" to settle down with me or anyone else. It broke my heart to hear him say it. I wish I had never asked. It did more harm than good and now I'm fighting the urge to just sit in a corner and cry till I can't cry no more. I hate knowing!! It's not fair! I love him more than he could ever know, but now I don't know if he feels the same about me. Nothing could make me love him any less but every day I love him o so much more. My mind is spinning with thoughts of losing him. They're so horrible!!! I want them to STOP but I don't know how! Maybe he'll change his mind by next May... hopefully.

Moving a Life...

My room is packed
In boxes stacked so high
My clothes, my bed, and even my teddy bear
I look up at the boxes
High as a mountain top
My closet is empty
The floor is bare
and the walls have shadows
Of what once hung there
The truck is out front
Loaded down with my life
Everything I own,
piled high in boxes, big and small
Are carried from my room,
my sanctuary
Taken outside in the summer sun
Aired out by the blistering wind
My life, torn down
broken apart and shoved into boxes
Leaving behind everything I know
All the things I love
A chance to begin anew
A chance to change
But a change I don't want to make
just one I have to do.

Words are like swords. They pierce the heart with every blow and cause a pain so great it's unlike any other kind of pain. They rip apart your dreams and stomp you into the ground where you lay broken wishing you could change the outcome. Why tear others down with hateful words, when they're just going to come back in the end. Those words that flew from your lips without care will one day be your own down fall. They'll pull you down further than you've ever been before. Unfinished...

A Night to Remember...

Prom night was a night full of firsts...except I didn't get to ride in a limo, but that's ok. I did however get to go in a Chevy and that's fine with me!! Robert looked sexy as everything in his tux with his camo vest and bow tie. His eyes sparkled when I walked into the room wearing my long black dress and thoes god aweful heels my mom forced me to wear. But as soon as we started dancing ... off came the shoes and off came his jacket. We danced our butts off till I got to hot to dance anymore. Prom was a beautiful place... it didn't even look like our school anymore. I had tons of fun just being with Robert and all my friends.

PROM NIGHT!! <3

Prom night is coming really soon (less than a week!) I'm so excited about it. It'll be the first prom I've been to, it'll be my first time riding in a limo, and it'll be my first actual dance where I've had a date who loves me. I so cannot wait till prom night. My heart beats in anticipation everytime I think about it. Also, it will be a night I will remember for the rest of my life because it is 3 days after mine and Robert's 7 month mark. We've been together longer than I truly thought we would. I love him so much and I get to enjoy prom night wraped in his arms and dancing along with him (I just have to learn how first.)

I'M GOING TO HAVE THE TIME OF MY LIFE!!!

What is love?

Love...

It's the fuzzy feeling you get when you're around some one you trust your heart with.

It's being able to tell them your whole life and not caring what they think when you're through because you know they'll be there for you in the end.

It's falling asleep beside them and holding them closer in your dreams as you snuggle up to them.

It's knowing that no matter what happens you always have some one to hold on to you and comfort you.

My love...

My love is Robert. He's always there for me even when we fight. He holds me close at night and never lets anyone hurt me. He knows everything about my past and I know everything about his. He is the one I see myself with years from now, growing old and being with for the rest of my life. He is a really amazing guy and he knows how to treat me just right. He has his moments but who doesn't, right? I love him with all my heart and so much more. He's perfect in every way to me and I would never do anything to change him. He is my love and my life.

Roses Are Red

Ooy Gooy Chewy

My beautiful Chewy... she's scared us once already, but she puts a smile on everybody's face. She got into a plant that was poisionous to dogs and she got sick. She had to stay at the vet's office for a few nights and everything felt wrong. My other dogs were moppy and none of them wanted to play, instead they stuck their noses to the floor and looked for Chewy. My mom went and picked her up on February 28 after the vet said that she was eating and running around in the kennel looking for someone to play with.
She's a little ball of fun and she never misses a beat when it comes to playing around. I don't know what I would have done if anything had happened to her. She's the greatest puppy I could ever have asked for and I love her very, very much.

Beautiful

Beautiful is
the wide open sky
the green pastures stretching on forever.
It's a new-born baby,
but it's not me.
Only in your eyes
have I ever been considered beautiful.
I've been many things
but that's the one thing I've never been.
Beautiful is
a field of daisies blooming in the summer sun.
It's the sun sinking down behind puffy white clouds
but beautiful's just not me.

Save Me

Painful words fly through my mind
Like butterflies with broken wings
The dreadful things that were done to me
Make me want to kick and scream
I'm standing on the edge again
Watching the world pass by
One more step will end it all
Today will be the day i die
Don't bother standing down below
Don't catch me as I fall
It's time my heart stops beating
Once and for all
My mother's pleas go unheard
As the pounding of my heart
Echos in my ears
I close my eyes
I pray to God for you to pull me back
Pull me from the edge
Don't let me take that step